


The Knowledge of Us

by Jesi_Ki_Kage



Series: Our Knowledge [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Soulmates, mild trigger warning for Natasha's mind set before joining Shield, there will be a sequel for their time at Shield, up to canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21715468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jesi_Ki_Kage/pseuds/Jesi_Ki_Kage
Summary: The first time it happened Maria had been really little and excited at having learned a new word. She hadn't realized then that the word wasn't in English. She didn't even know what language it was until much later.---One of the only things Natasha remembers from before, from before Shield, before the Red Room, before spies and assassins, is the surprise on her parents' faces when she answered their question in English. She hadn't known it was English of course, but her parents immediately taught her. They were very firm that she not use words from that language. Not ever.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Series: Our Knowledge [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598542
Comments: 25
Kudos: 317





	The Knowledge of Us

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own either of these characters but I love playing with them. Already started a part two that will pick up right after this but don't expect any faster updates than any of my other WIP get.

**Prologue:**

The first time it happened Maria had been really little and excited at having learned a new word. She hadn't realized then that the word wasn't in English. She didn't even know what language it was until much later.

Still, in her excitement and her ignorance she had rushed to share her new knowledge.

That was the first time her father hit her.

It wouldn't be the last.

~*~*~

One of the only things Natasha remembers from before, from before Shield, before the Red Room, before spies and assassins, is the surprise on her parents' faces when she answered their question in English. She hadn't known it was English of course, but her parents immediately taught her. They were very firm that she not use words from that language. Not ever.

They were nervous, worried. Scared.

At the time little Natalia hadn't known the big picture, she just knew that her parents were upset. She didn't want them to be upset. She wanted them to be happy like she was! She'd just learned a new word all by herself after all.

Looking back Natasha always wonders how many days, weeks, months, passed between that memory and her next. The one of fire and screaming and the end of her innocence.

* * *

**Snapshot One: Soulbond**

Maria learned about soulmates and soulbonds on her own, through an overhead conversation as she hid in the school library. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop. It was just that no one noticed her if she tucked herself into a ball between two bookshelves in the back. And if no one noticed her no one would yell at her.

It wasn't like she'd meant to break his wrist. The knowledge had just been there the moment he'd grabbed her shoulder and tried to shove her.

Now everyone looked at her weird and avoided her even more than before. The teachers always had this look in their eyes when they observed her, like they couldn't decide if they pitied her or were scared of her.

So hearing the librarian explaining soulbonds to someone else was fascinating to her.

She wasn't a freak!

She had just known how to do it, the same way she knew how to cook herself dinner and how to do her own laundry. The knowledge had just been there.

Just like if she had a soulbond.

Maria had been floored at the prospect. She had a soulmate! That had to be it! That explained how she could speak another language, and how she could always tell when someone was sneaking up on her, and how she knew how to hide where she couldn't be found when-.

That explained why her father hated her.

Suddenly the idea of a soulmate didn't seem so appealing anymore.

~*~*~

In the Red Room Natalia picked up things quickly. Things like culture and math came naturally to her. It was like she just knew sometimes, before they were ever taught. The guards whispered about it sometimes, when it became clear she out paced the others of her age in certain areas.

A soulbond.

An exceptionally strong one for a child.

It wasn't until Natalia was nearly ten that her age group was taught about soulbonds. About how an average of one in three people had one, but only one in nine of those people ever actually met their soulmate and knew it.

Because the bonds weren't an obvious thing.

They were subconscious, a subconscious sharing of knowledge.

The closer someone with a bond was to their mate the easier it was to pick up on things. It could be simple stuff, like knowing the laundry needed to be moved, or big stuff, like how to start a car even if you've never been in one before. There wasn't any way to control what someone learned through the bond. No one had found a way to predict it. You would just be going about your life and suddenly a bit of useful information would come to mind, and you would have no idea where you learned it from.

Natalia kept her face schooled even as their instructor stared straight at her.

She'd learned long ago not to show emotions. Emotions just got you hurt.

* * *

**Snapshot Two: Instinct**

As she got older her bond only strengthened. For several years Natalia couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not.

On one hand it meant she learned all sorts of useful things about the world outside of the Red Room. Things that helped her blend in. Things that helped her understand what normal was. Things that were absolutely ridiculous like which bus routes connected at a random station in a random city.

No. It wasn't random. She knew that. It was the city her soulmate lived in.

On the other hand she had gotten very good about pretending her bond wasn't strong. Because she knew if the Red Room knew that she knew what town her soulmate lived in, that she could name the bus routes her soulmate took to and from school, the Red Room would order her soulmate killed.

As it was Natalia already knew she could never meet her soulmate in person.

The Red Room didn't like loose ends.

They ensured Natalia would tie up that loose end for them whether she wanted to or not.

~*~*~

By the time she reached High School Maria was used to toughing it alone. She'd been fending for herself for years and, while she did have some friends, it was hard for her to get close to them.

Knowledge in the back of her head told her it was too risky. Anyone she was close to was at risk. Friends were a risk, a vulnerability.

Maybe not now, maybe not even in the next ten years. But somehow she intrinsically knew, her life was at risk. And there would be collateral damage when whatever it was that caused that knowledge came to pass.

Maria very carefully didn’t think too hard about the random skills and information she gained as the years went by. She knew the bond had grown stronger. She could tell by the depth of the knowledge as it came to her attention. Before it was just snippets, instinct. Now when she learned some obscure fact in history the knowledge came as if by rote, as if the person on the other end of the bond had memorized it word for word.

Maria very carefully didn't think about the martial arts skills she knew but didn't have the muscle memory for. Or how she had picked up habits of always having line of sight to the exit, of knowing who was around her. Or how one day she got home and was halfway through picking the lock to the backdoor before she'd even realized she'd forgotten her keys. Not that she'd known how to pick the lock before that moment.

Maria very carefully didn't think about any of that when she started deciding on her future. And when she signed her life away to the Marines a few years later, if she left off the ability to speak Russian, well, no one knew but her and her father. And he certainly wouldn't tell anyone anything that wasn't fifteen years out of date.

* * *

**Snapshot Three: Intel**

Maria knew the Intel was bad. Or well, not exactly bad, but not complete either. Which, when you're relying solely on Intel to keep you and your team alive, incomplete kind of mattered a lot.

It wasn't the first time this had happened, and she doubted it would be the last.

She wasn't always sure what about the Intel was bad. Nor did she always know why the Intel mattered to her. Sometimes she was able to play off her knowledge as picking up trends and spotting something that didn't fit. After all sometimes that's actually what the knowledge was. Other times there was no logical way beyond her soulbond for her to know what she knew.

But since the knowledge she had was almost always from the perspective of an insider and not an observer… she wasn't about to go admitting her soulmate might be working for the other side. She got enough flack as it was for being a female, for being good at her job, for being dedicated and determined and not falling when various people tried to set her up - both sexually and not - for failure at her job.

This particular time was one of the later cases - a time when she knew the Intel was bad but had no way to share it with anyone and be believed.

She'd tried it before.

So as her superiors made calls based on bad Intel she did what she could to guide the contingency plans. To make sure the teams going out had spare equipment. That patrols would link up earlier than usual, or in areas nearby places known to be friendly to troops. She did her best to ensure that when the plan was thrown out the window - because it would be - as many people had a chance of walking out alive as possible.

She did this knowing there was a chance her team wouldn't be one of those groups.

~*~*~

Natalia tried not to think about the fact her soulmate was likely somewhere in the chaos around her as she ducked between buildings to avoid a firefight on the main road. Her objective had been rather easy. Get in, make the kill, and then trigger a battle between the two sides to allow several other ops throughout the area to succeed.

She didn't know why the Red Room had her here, working with and for the insurgents. She just did as her handler told her. If she took advantage of the insider knowledge about the American Force's makeup and patrols well, she was simply using her resources wisely.

Not telling her handler about said resources was liable to cause her extreme torture if not death should she be found out...but she's been hiding the strength of her soulbond for years at this point. It was the only thing worth protecting. The one thing the Red Room couldn't control.

Dispatching the two soldiers blocking the other end of the alley Natalia tried not to think about the fact that if she accidentally killed her soulmate on the battlefield today she'd have no way of knowing.

The soulbond didn't transfer personal details like names and birthdays and exact addresses.

No one knew why, but it didn't.

Anything that would significantly increase the ability to identify a person, such as the name of a parent or what grade the were in, wasn't shared knowledge. Sure some information can be deducted - like the knowledge that children don't learn cursive until third grade in American public schools - but the knowledge of "oh my soulmate is in third grade" didn't come. Instead it was how to write in cursive, with everything else having to be worked out backwards.

This meant Natalia knew patrol routes, but not which one her soulmate was on. She knew the rough makeup of all the American units her soulmate knew, but not which one her soulmate was in.

She didn't even know her soulmate's gender.

Although given the ratio of American soldiers being male it was probably a male.

She wouldn't know for certain until she met her soulmate in person. Assuming she did.

Ducking under a wide shot aimed at her as she sprinted across a narrow lane Natalia fired her own pistol without thought and two more bodies fell to the ground. Crossing the length of the house Natalia poked an eye around the corner. Seeing those in the next area had their backs to her she paused and assessed. Three of them standing around someone prone on the ground. Locals, but Natalia was indifferent to who she killed while getting out of the village.

Her handler wouldn't care either, although their temporary allies might.

Unconcerned Natalia lined up her shots, took them, and moved on.

Minutes later she was out of the village and slipping away into the desert.

* * *

**Snapshot Four: Arise**

Maria had woken in a hospital a thousand miles away from where she last remembered being. She woke to the news that she was the only survivor from her team, found concussed and severally beaten surrounded by the corpses of local insurgents. Several attacks had happened that day, many of them with fatalities, but the contingency plans had provided enough for the majority to make it out and complete their mission.

The man, Agent Coulson, was there to offer her a new job.

He knew she was more capable than what the Marines were allowing her to be. He knew that she knew things, and wasn’t that a terrifying thought in and of itself. He knew - and he said he didn’t care.

Maria didn’t believe him.

But she knew better than to turn down the job.

Even as he briefed her on the Agency he worked for and got through the various newcomer speeches Maria found almost none of the information was new to her. Sure the details were more specific, covered more than her knowledge did on certain things. But the basics - rank structure, chain of command, purpose - those were all things she already knew.

For a secret government agency she was already disappointed at their ability to be secret.

Granted she should probably give them the benefit of the doubt considering her soulmate had been playing the game for years. After all, any knowledge her soulmate learned so did she. Her bond was just that strong.

A living, breathing security breach.

There was a reason she’d spent her entire life pretending her bond was normal, average, only passing along big stuff, important skills. No one needed to know that while she wasn’t fluent in speaking them she could understand a half dozen different languages thanks to her soulmate. No one needed to know any of the myriad of skills she’d picked up.

Yet as Maria settled into her job at SHIELD she found herself more and more thankful for all those little skills she picked up, all that knowledge crammed in her head she never got the chance to use in the Marines.

SHIELD appreciated it too, as Maria found herself being promoted again and again at record speed.

~*~*~

At first Natalia had been relieved at suddenly knowing some random fact about the location where she was currently staking out a target. Her soulmate had survived. Three weeks of nothing, no knowledge, not even everyday things like training schedules or pop culture references. And now this.

For two hours of her stake out Natalia was greeted to random facts about the city popping into her head. She would have scowled if she wasn’t so well trained. Instead a thought emerged as the flow of knowledge tapered off.

Her soulmate must have been reading about the city because Natalia was there. Something of Natalia’s location had come through their bond. Her soulmate had been reading _for her_.

The thought rammed into Natalia so abruptly she nearly gave away her position. Only pure muscle memory and instinct kept her from truly giving away her hiding place. As she waited patiently for the surveillance to pass she shoved the thought down as deeply as she could.

Soulmates were not for Widows.

If she ever met her soulmate the Red Room had ensured one of them would not come out of the meeting alive.

So she shoved that thought and everything it implied into the cobwebs of her mind and focused on her mission.

If weeks later she found herself surfing the web for fun facts about a city she’d never been to before, well, no one who monitored her surfing habits would be able to determine a pattern. There was nothing about the random facts that would connect to an active SHIELD mission currently happening in that area. And there was certainly too many personnel involved in the mission to pin down the one person who would be learning all those random facts right along with Natalia.

And if on her next mission Natalia found herself smiling slightly as the first historical fact popped into her head, well, no one would know but her.

* * *

**Snapshot Five: Strive**

When reports of the Black Widow going rogue first turned up in Shield Maria was interested professionally, as Commander of Tactics and Ops, but that was it. Sure she was pulled in as a consultant with the rest of Level 8 as the situation developed, but it was just for them to appear to do something.

Until the Black Widow did something to warrant Shield engagement Maria didn’t care. The Intel teams would track her as best they could - if they could - until Fury or the World Security Council decided she needed to be killed and that would be the end of it.

For a while that seemed to be the case.

The rogue Widow took jobs at seemingly random and Shield stalked her shadow just like every other secret intelligence agency in the world. She was a major prize if she could be brought to a country’s side. If she couldn’t, she’d be killed.

It wasn’t until one of the Widow’s missions involved stealing from Shield that Fury ordered a more active pursuit.

Which is how Maria found herself flipping through reports on the Black Widow. Every mission she’d been on that Shield knew of. Every fact about the Red Room they’d managed to piece together. Records of aliases she’d used and a web of known associates.

Flipping through the most recent data something nagged at the back of her mind.

Something was familiar about this information, beyond just that Maria had reviewed most of it at least once before the semi-regular “what are we going to do about the Black Widow” meetings that had been happening since she’d gone rogue.

It wasn’t until Maria glanced at an open search tab on her far monitor that it clicked.

The locations.

~*~*~

Natalia was tired. She was tired of running. She was tired of killing. She was tired of knowing nowhere was safe while the Red Room had their fangs in her. She couldn’t use half her safe houses or contacts since the Red Room knew of them and the longer she was on her own the longer the list of burned resources grew.

She was just so tired.

Her last few kills had been sloppy. She’d almost gotten caught twice in the last two months alone. Natalia was beginning to make mistakes, but the Black Widow couldn’t afford to be anything but perfect.

Mistakes are what got you killed.

Natalia was finding the concept less and less terrifying than before.

When she first left the Red Room all she’d been thinking of was getting away. She had built her own web over the years and knew she could rely on it to carry her weight. There were few places in the world she hadn’t been yet.

And that was the crux of the problem.

Because now every time she went somewhere new the facts followed her like a familiar blanket.

So too did the knowledge that Shield was on to her. Shield was hunting her just like everyone else. And while she could never meet her soulmate in person the temptation was there. It would be so easy to just let Shield take her. Do with her what they wanted if only for that one chance.

And it would only be one chance with what the Red Room did to her.

Even if she somehow wasn’t killed on sight she would surely be killed the moment she found her soulmate and her programming activated.

Unless Shield could remove it.

No, Natalia knew better than to hope for miracles.

She would go on as she had been. Staying alive, staying one step ahead of those who chased her through her skills and her knowledge. When her time came then so be it.

She’d lived long enough as it was.

Her soulmate would be fine without her thanks to the life they’d built in Shield.

* * *

**Snapshot Six: Arrive**

Natalia considered it a dang near miracle that her soulmate hadn’t been part of the welcoming party. She knew now due to the depth of her knowledge that her soulmate was high up the ranks of Shield, even if she didn’t know which one of Shield's leaders it was.

Okay, that was a lie.

Sort of.

Natalia didn’t know for certain, the only way to know for certain was physical contact, but she was pretty darn certain.

All the facts and timelines for certain missions and locations that Natalia knew her soulmate had been at or involved in matched only one person in Shields hierarchy. That didn’t mean Natalia was about to risk anything this early.

It was only her first time stepping foot on Shields pretty helicarrier despite having stolen the plans some years back and having most of it memorized due to _her_ knowledge. Still, she’d just surrendered to what was perhaps the Red Rooms greatest enemy and hadn’t been shot on sight. In fact, the bloody archer had offered her sanctuary. 

A way to get their orders out of her head.

She’d have been a fool not to take it.

Sitting down with their doctors she made sure to tell them everything she could about the experiments done to her. It wasn’t until she was wrapping up several hours later that she realized she hadn’t actually known all of that. There was plenty of experiments she should have been too young to remember, or unconscious and never told the truth of what had been done to her.

Which meant someone had been reading through her file.

Someone specific had somehow gotten ahold of a lot more information than Natalia - Natasha - had even known was out there.

It also meant someone had more than a passing interest in Shield’s latest project.

After six months of intensive, invasive, experiments done to reverse everything Shield knew about Natasha wasn’t sure if her soulmate knowing so much about her past was a good thing or not. In the end she wasn’t sure it would matter. The doctors had been told about the triggers placed in her, the ones that would activate if she ever felt the euphoric high that came from cementing the soulbond.

She didn’t tell them that she knew - or at least strongly suspected - who her soulmate was.

But given the fact that the newly appointed Deputy Director had yet to check in on Shield’s project, Natasha had a strong suspicion she wasn’t the only one well aware of who her bond most likely connected to. It was the only logical reason the Deputy Director had yet to visit when even the Director had been down to study her several times. Natasha tried very hard not to think about any reason other than the triggers in her body for the Deputy Director to have not visited.

So when after eight months of grueling work the doctors declared her clean of all Red Room influence Natasha couldn’t help but be nervous. Sitting in the chair of the briefing room closest to her previous quarters Natasha used all of her considerable will power to present an air of nonchalance. 

She would be getting briefed on her new role within Shield. She would be finding out if they were going to use and abuse her like the Red Room or not.

And she had a very good idea of just who would be giving her that briefing.

~*~*~

Maria stared at the door in front of her and took a deep breath. That knowledge ingrained in her since she was in elementary school was still there, even if new knowledge had tapered it some.

She’d known since she was small that her life was at risk if she ever met her soulmate.

For years she hadn’t known the how and the why. In fact it was only just under two years ago that she learned anything of the truth. Red Room. Black Widow. Human experimentation. 

Fury had placed her in charge of learning everything they could about the Red Room the same day she had inexplicable knowledge of a facility in Russia going up in flames.

She started her team’s search there.

Her soulmate may have tried to destroy everything, but secret agencies had a tendency to live like leeches. Maria’s team had found plenty. Not in that location, but from the stirred ant hill that emerged after that incident. If Maria subtly had her team planting false trails after cleaning out a location well, no one had questioned her as to why.

Now here she was, right before the moment of truth.

She knew what the Red Room had done.

She knew what Shield had done to reverse it.

Maria had read the reports, although she’d very carefully stayed clear of any and all chance encounters with the Black Widow. The knowledge of what they had done to the other woman augmenting Maria’s instinctive knowledge that her life was in danger should she ever meet her soulmate.

With a controlled exhale Maria crossed the hall and entered the room.

The redhead was seated at the table inspecting her nails, body angled towards the door. She didn’t look up, but Maria saw her eyes flicker away from her nails, caught the slight tensing of the other woman’s body. Carefully she set the papers down on the far side of the table. She would take care of those in a moment.

“Natasha Romanoff, born Natalia Romanova. The Black Widow.”

Natasha looked up now and met her gaze. There was no surprise in them, although Maria could tell by the forced relaxed muscles the woman was tense as her eyes flicked from Maria’s face to her offered hand.

A test.

To see if Natasha knew who she was.

To see if the deprogramming worked.

They both knew there was a risk with what Maria was offering, but she wasn’t Deputy Director for nothing. She could hold her ground long enough for Barton in the next room to help if needed. But she needed to know for certain the deprogramming worked.

She wasn’t about to let Natasha have free reign of the helicarrier if there was a chance the Red Room could still control her.

This was the best way to find out.

No one knew but them. No one would know but them assuming the deprogramming worked.

Natasha brought her hand to Maria’s but didn’t make contact.

“Maria Hill, Deputy Director of SHIELD.” 

She raised an eyebrow in question, in confirmation. Maria nodded just slightly. Natasha’s hand touched hers. For a moment they both remained frozen with bated breath, hands clasped between them.

Then a warmth started to seep into Maria from where Natasha’s skin touched hers. She wanted to close her eyes and bask in the feeling as it grew but she didn’t. She kept her eyes locked on Natasha’s. At first the woman seemed shocked before a hint of fear came into her eyes. She twitched, flinched and closed her eyes for a heartbeat before visibly wrenching them open again.

Her gaze bore into Maria’s.

For several seconds neither of them moved.

The warm feeling began to fade.

Maria allowed the corners of her mouth to twitch upwards as she released Natasha’s hand.

“Congratulations on completing your deprogramming, Agent Romanoff. Let me be the first to welcome you to SHIELD.”

**_~fin part one~_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me @standinshadowedsilence


End file.
